Monday, May 4, 2009
A Kopelesque Poem
Three A.M. and I'm next to nake, boxer shorts and long black socks pulled three quarters up my shins. I run down a dark street, its sides ever narrowing. A fear of what is and what is to be restricts me from certain spots, and I make myself content with running in the median. Sweat slicks my overweight body in the cool of the night, and I remember Her, that made me sweat like this. The sweat of fear and pleasure married. She's gone now, and I am here. I return home and find my way to a keyboard, trying to write a thought but hopelessly feeling it inadequate. My fingers fight me, unwilling to write the frankness my mind bares to an email. I labor on, and finally sign my name to the bottom and send it to Her. No doubt one of hundreds. I scold myself for my foolishness, and chasing the past, and lie down for a sleep. 3:20 A.M.
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You've got your head moving in the right direction to write. You've got a good voice- the voice, (this is all in how i understand writing not in any techincal sense) is tied to the narrator. Your narrator voice is particular, this is good. I always like to see more rather than be told. I started out writing alot like this, I told the story rather than wrote a story to be read. Does that make sense? That being said a story without a narrator's voice is very odd, it would be like going to watch a movie for entertainment and seeing a documentary instead. Its a delicate balance.
ReplyDeleteOnly on way to get good at it, like with all things, that is to keep trying.
Lines I liked
'She's gone now and I am here.' simple but grounds the reader as to the mindset of the speaker.
'and I make myself content with running the median.' like almost all modern readers i love playfulness with words. I don't know here if you are talking about median as in middle ground, or median as in the median in the road. Thats fun as it leaves me a part to play in the reading- defining that sort of thing- that being said- all good things in moderation. somethings need to be definate.
sorry this is the first time i've checked this blog i'll do better. gonna look super narcissitic that i posted on a post that has my own name in it.
btw no one calls me chris even my family members dont. its just kopel no matter where i go.
btw take everything i say with a grain of salt. i am no expert. one of the writers i looked up to most when i started, a peer named Gabriel Dean- who is writing very well recieved plays in atlanta atm- once told me "the most important thing to know when people start to try to help or critique your work is what to ignore"
ReplyDeleteso ignore away as your see fit!